Bird of Smithfield, Smithfield

I had a very odd experience at Bird of Smithfield the other day. I dropped in after checking out the Charles & Ray Eames exhibit at The Barbican — I am obsessed with good chairs — and it was a bit on the later side but the restaurant website and all the Internet AND the sign out front assured me that the bar was open ALL DAY LONG.

So I dropped in for a steak sandwich. (And a steak sandwich. Sorry, that never gets old for me.)

There were a few people already inside when I entered. A startled but very glamourous (glamazon?) hostess approached me. “Can I help you with something?” For a moment, I looked around, confused. Was I in a hardware store?

“Um…I’d like to have lunch please. The bar is fine.”

The glamazon looked confused. “You want lunch? We’re not serving lunch…”

“But the sign outside says…” I started. Plus, the other people in the bar seemed to be eating something, or at least, finishing eating something.

“Let me check with the kitchen.”

I stood around for a few moments and then she confirmed that they were indeed serving lunch and I could take a seat. I picked a table and never saw her again.

A little while later, another server arrived to take my order. I ordered one (just one) steak sandwich and a green salad and left it at that. There was no set-up on the table (fork, knife, napkin) so I requested that and she brought it over.

She put the napkin down on the table. I picked it up and put it on my lap. She looked at me, annoyed, and asked “What are you doing?” And then proceeded to storm away, get another napkin, and purposefully and slowly place it down on the table along with the fork and knife as if trying to tell me “I am going to do this slowly so you understand how things are done here.”

I wasn’t sure what I had done wrong.  I like to put my napkin in my lap when I sit down in a restaurant.

Someone else came to the table. “Do you want green salad or chips with your sandwich?”

“I already ordered a green salad so I think that should be fine.”

My server seems confused. “So you want the sandwich, a green salad, and a green salad on the side?”

“Um, no…unless what you’re saying is that the sandwich comes with a green salad or chips? I don’t think it does. I mean, if it does, I guess I’ll have the green salad and you can cancel my side order…”

“The sandwich doesn’t come with salad or chips.”

“Um, ok. Then I’ll have the green salad that I originally ordered.”

This server disappears and I never see her again.

The server that was annoyed by my use of my napkin appears with my sandwich. “Do you want any sauces with this?”

“Perhaps some steak sauce would be nice?”

“We don’t have any steak sauce. We have ketchup, mustard and mayo.”

“OK, I guess that’s fine. Just bring me those.”

I open the sandwich. It’s covered in mustard.

I eat my steak sandwich, poke around at my green salad, and leave Bird of Smithfield, sated but confused.